Friday, May 13, 2011

How To Deal With Your Monthly Transformation In 5 Easy Steps

So you’ve been watching the calendar all month and you’ve looked up to realize that the dreaded day has arrived. You’re already starting to feel it and you know you’ve been a little grumpier and, let’s face it, people are starting to avoid you. It’s time for your monthly visit from the rabid man-eating beast within.



So how do you deal with it? You can’t change who you are, it’s just biology. But you know that whenever you’re really left to your own devices you’re going to go and scalp the nearest mouth-breather to dare offend you. How do you keep yourself from carrying out righteous vigilante justice against the masses during this, the worst time of your month?


1. Don’t drink




“But I’m a happy drunk!” You say, “It can only improve my mood”

Wrong.

You’re a happy drunk on every other time of the month, but at this time of the month you’re just adding jet fuel to a bonfire. Why? It’s not because you’re personally unstable. Though, admit it, right now, you really are. No, let’s remember for a moment just who it is you’re dealing with at a time like this:



Yeah, hooting, hollering, throwing shit around and screaming like maniacs: these are your fellow drinkers. Even if you go to a liquor store you’re going to run into one of them. Maybe you don’t mind them most of the time, but you add the right amount of rage and you’re going to remember what these guys are really good for. After all, they’re inebriated and have a higher threshold for pain and stupid ideas. If you were to join them, there’s only one conclusion to draw from it.



2. Avoid crowds


So drinking might be a bad idea, unless you really want to start a scene and possibly maim someone. Though, if that was your goal then you’d be free to go ahead and make a go at it right now. But it isn’t, so you’re left wondering just what you do with your free time. You could always just take up something like aerobics or go shopping, right?

Wrong.

Remember those people at the bar and how irrational and insane they can be? Truth is, it’s not the alcohol, people are just dicks. Think about it for a moment and consider the last time you went to a good sale.



“Oh right, you pack a bunch of people into a group and they instantly become complete raving morons.”



So in the end, you may want to consider doing things in a peaceful, private environment.

3. Treat yourself


You’re feeling cranky, you’re starting to swell, your nails are growing out of control and you have a severe lust for blood. Your hair’s out of control to boot, making it all the worse when you’re really feeling self-conscious about everything already.



So what’re you to do? Obviously, it’s time to make yourself feel good about you. It’s time for a trip to the spa!

Think about it, those wild, crazy nails that you’re starting to grow could be easily dealt with in a manicure and pedicure. Maybe that hair could be styled or at the very least washed. And you could spend a great deal of time taking care of you. Everyone likes to get pet and pampered, so why not you?



After all, it's called nervous energy. So the best bet is to calm those nerves.

But, hey, let's say that doesn't work for you either. Let's say that it's not nervous energy so much as it is "chew his face off" energy. Well then what can you do about that?

4. Find an outlet


So you feel a little better after a visit to the spa, but there’s still some energy that you just can’t get out of your system. That inner aggression that’s making you want to peel off some dumb fool’s face is just building and society frowns on that kind of thing. You need to get it out of your system, fast. But what’re you to do? You’re a seething pot of biologically fueled rage and there’s nothing that civilized people will let you do to get it out aside from possibly cage fighting.



But it doesn’t have to be something aggressive, just something to get your heart pumping. Maybe you could take a jog, start a private work out routine, go hiking or mountain climbing. Hell, you could even play fetch at the dog park provided you’re calm enough to deal with being around other people in small doses.



The important thing is to get up, get active and do something that doesn’t involve causing grave bodily harm.

Still, there's some chance that this wont be enough. Sometimes it just doesn't work. Sometimes you just have to...

5. Embrace it!


At the end of the day, maybe none of this helped. Let’s face it, being a Werewolf is hard. But it’s also something to be enjoyed. After all, you’re faster, stronger and more focused than you have been the rest of the month. You could get activities out of the way that you’ve been aching to do but didn’t think you could get it done in a reasonable length of time. You’re not doing anything else right now anyway so why not take advantage of this time to work out some issues?



Plus, in today’s society, a lot of people are more understanding than they used to be. So long as you don’t do anything too crazy you’re going to be a-ok. Society’s more forgiving of your outlandish behavior because everyone knows what you’re going through. And, hey, even if they didn’t, who’s going to stop you?





And hey, there’s a support group for it!

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